Mommy Firsts

This year our boy started high school. And, I know for all parents it seems to come too soon…they just grow up so fast…but for us it really did!

Andrew’s only been with us a few years, and while much of the time it feels like we have always been a family, there are still so many new things, so many firsts. High school is a big change for all kids, and full of firsts, but I think that high school has had more firsts and changes for me than it has for him!

Since Andrew was my student before he was my son I have always known his friends, his teachers, and being on staff at the school have always known all the goings on of his day…sometimes this was a great thing, sometimes it was challenging…but now, I know only what he tells me. I don’t know most of his friends, I’ve met most of his teachers…but they aren’t my best friends…his teachers before are my besties…and I know only what information he brings home to me.

I didn’t do the kindergarten drop off, I’ve never been on this side of things as his parent because I was always parent/teacher, I’ve never had to figure out how to meet his friends and get to know them, I’ve never had to “mommy date”…back to school night and parent teacher conferences always made that easy…so this is all so new.

I don’t know who the trouble makers are or the good influences. I don’t know if he spends his lunch talking, playing soccer, or sitting in a corner lonely and sad…anyone who knows my child knows that last one is a ridiculous thought…and while I know that this is really good for him, and really very normal, I don’t really like it!

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I drove away from that first day of school just wanting to cry and feeling so sorry for myself because he doesn’t even need me anymore…when I told him this he reassured me by letting me know that he still needs me…because he can not drive or afford groceries on his own yet…he did follow the statement by letting me know he will always need me.

It’s just strange, to be in this place where I am the mom of a 15 year old but yet a mother for less than 4 years. I learn new things about him all the time…recently we discovered he had never mini golfed…don’t worry we took care of it immediately! I still get so anxious leaving him home alone because this is all still so new, he feels so new…the other day my mom reminded me that it’s not that Andrew is 3…I am…she’s a wise wise woman!

So, for now I am working on accepting that my life will be filled with lots of new mommy firsts, that it is a good thing that my child is picking his own friends, and that he is growing into a man…he is growing into such a wonderful young man and I am so proud of him! And, I will be excited about the new mommy firsts, I will enjoy the things he shares with me when I pick him up from school, and I will get to know his friends and their parents over time…that last part was a little pep talk because I’m still a bit anxious about it!