I’ve launched Frippery House! I’ve spent a year planning, and designing, and creating…researching all the best ways to do everything…it’s all lead up to the moment when I hit “publish” on Etsy and now…well now I’m just not sure what to do.
I’ve found myself obsessing over views and likes and purchases. Watching every vlog and reading everything I can about search engine optimization and how to turn traffic into sales. My brain is fixated and running full speed with worries and fears…what if everyone has just been telling me they like my jewelry because they are my friends, what if it all breaks, what if no one buys it, what if too many people buy it, what if no one finds me on Etsy, what if they wish it was longer/shorter/a different color…you name it and I think I’ve worried about it this week. I literally had a conversation with Ian in the car after I hit the publish button and went live with the store where I asked him if it was too late for me to change my mind, if I could just hit rewind and go back…he said no I could not!
Amidst all this fear and worry I have made three major discoveries in the last week: 1) I am surrounded by really incredible cheerleaders…and I am sooooo thankful for them. 2) I really have no gauge for what to expect now, if I’m doing well, if I’m sucking…how do I measure this!?! And 3) I just totally put myself out there for the world!
The last two bring me face to face…again…with some of my deepest insecurities…I just really want people to like me and validate me and give my life purpose and oh yeah, I really want to be cool!!! Discouragement has come quickly and often this week as I’ve come up against these things. It seems like every time I leave the house someone asks me how Frippery House is doing…which is so incredible and I am beyond thankful to have such amazing support…but it just smacks me in the face with the reality that I don’t know!
It’s hard to put yourself out there! It’s hard to create something that you think is beautiful and kind of cool and means something special to you and then hold it up for all the world to see…and judge. In college I was an art major, but I never wanted to create art for others, I wanted to create art for myself and teach art to others. A big part of why was self defense…if you create your art only for yourself and not for others, if they don’t like it then who cares…so to be here in this place, creating for others…it feels very vulnerable! And, I just really have no idea what the measure is for success at a week in…so I just feel uncertain and inadequate when people ask.
But then I remember…my feelings are real but not always true.
I didn’t make the decision to start Frippery House lightly. It was on my heart the moment I moved back to Colorado 6 years ago, I prayed about it, I thought about it, I planned, and I dreamed…and yeah, and then I prayed some more. I wanted to make sure that if I took the brave step into entrepreneur life that God was for it…because if He’s for it there’s no stopping me! For years I hesitated, made excuses, and lacked the time to make Frippery House happen…I walked in a lot of fear of failure during those years. The very thought of failing kept me from ever starting.
But then…God brought people into my life that reminded me not to be afraid of what God had put on my heart. To not be afraid of failing. To not be afraid of sharing my story and my journey, because that’s why I was placed on this earth…oh, and one special person came along and told me not to be afraid of the post office…seriously…that was a pretty big turning point for me.
So, discoveries 2 & 3…they’ve got nothing on me! Because, no matter what gauge I decide to use to measure my success it will always fall short of just trusting that God has asked me to step out into this. And as far as putting myself out there…I guess it’s just what I was created to do!
My validation, my purpose, and my utter coolness…it comes from my identity in Christ…not my identity as an entrepreneur, wife, mom, friend, daughter, or any other thing…and I think I forgot that a little bit this week. I think I thought likes and views and sales were what made me valuable there for a moment.